Part 2 of 4
Accepting the rage within me is also about learning to set boundaries. The emotion of anger is a signal that something is wrong, a violation has occurred, and it gives us the energy to do something about it. It is our body’s wisdom communicating our need for healthy separation from that (and whom) which is causing harm.
I especially appreciate Prentis Hemphill’s take on boundary-setting. It illustrates the way that boundaries don’t have to indicate a lack of love. In fact, as Hemphill says, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” Of course, love for others is not required. I’m just saying that there’s still room for that if it exists. Regardless, ultimately, what boundaries boil down to is a survival strategy. It is the key to creating a safe space to explore, process, and heal all emotions related to our trauma. It’s basically impossible to recover from trauma while you are continuing to be actively traumatized.
The cost of keeping our rage suppressed is far too high. There is a deep, soul exhaustion that comes with internalizing our rage. More often than not, it transforms into an especially toxic form of depression. I say this not just as a trauma survivor myself, but as a psychotherapist with roughly 15 years of experience working with trauma extensively.
Internalized rage also has somatic consequences: tight muscles and jaw, stress-related disease, digestive issues, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, and many other physical ailments. It is not terribly surprising that many trauma survivors end up with physical impairments related to the suppression of their rage and other emotions.
This makes the expression of rage not just a healthy idea, but an imperative for survival. I’ve found one of the best ways for me to express my own rage has been through artistic creativity. It is often difficult for me to speak straightforwardly about what happened to me. Much of it occurred prior to having the language to describe it, let alone its emotional impact.
I’ve found freedom in writing poetry, not restricting myself to specific rules, and allowing symbolism to provide direction rather than trying to force thoughts into a linear progression has been an especially beneficial outlet for me.
It has also shown up in my visual arts, especially in sketches and paintings. These range from the explicitly graphic to the heavily symbolic.
In the next post, I’d like to share a few of both my poems and visual art. It provides another layer of healing for me to be able to “talk” about my trauma out loud. It breaks that rule, admonishing me not to speak about what I’ve been through. It makes the inner damage and healing I hold external.
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