The Whole Mess
Notes from the middle of everything
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about
Collector of contradictions, student of imperfection, and occasional meditator. Writing from the messy middle with equal parts honesty and humor.
Category: cancer
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I’ve never settled for the pink-washing of my experience. Even with the best of possible outcomes, my cancer story has been gruesome, painful, and arduous. It’s also been full of unexpected beauty and eroticism. The idea of being a “survivor”, while helpful to many who need the narrative to get through the ordeal, feels problematic…
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Part 4 of 4 As is common with people undergoing similar traumas, people with breast cancer tend to gravitate toward each other to seek out comfort and understanding. Ehlers (2015) argues that the SCAR project helps facilitate that in a couple of ways, by “the crafting of a more meaningful life and death in two…
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Part 3 of 4 I’m a relatively attractive woman according to current cultural standards. Perhaps more weight than is socially acceptable, but overall, I’ve regularly received compliments on my physical appearance. And so, with this new body of mine, I provide a sort of cognitive dissonance to the nondisabled mind. As Ehlers (2015) expands:
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Part 2 of 4 I believe that part of the push toward painting everything a saccharine pink for “awareness” is, in part, a response to the dis-ease felt by nondisabled, non-diseased individuals. They are confronted with the reality that “all bodies are potentially subject to the threat of illness: the tenuousness of bodily and ontological…
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Part 1 of 4 Let’s return now to Ehlers’s (2015) article reflecting on the SCAR Project. As she proclaims in her article, a disability aesthetic framing of breast cancer “demands an ethical witnessing to the realities of the disease and its disabling effects (whether that be due to surgery, treatment, or their aftermath)” (p. 332)
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During the writing of a paper recently, I came across an article about the disability aesthetics of breast cancer. Having just gone through the whole ordeal myself, I found myself especially touched by the author’s concepts and arguments.
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1) Curved, nearly translucent,three inches on elbow,from over 35 years of life.Elbow slanted in the“wrong” position,Warned I will neverbe “normal” again.
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I guess I’m officially middle-aged. Though, let’s be real. I’m not likely going to live to be 90 years old. It’s a bit of a mindfuck to think that my life is probably more than half-over. Yet, I don’t dread getting older. I feel like my life just keeps getting better.
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Today is October 1st, which means it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m happy to say that I’ve been breast cancer free for three months now! I was diagnosed with very early stage breast cancer in April of this year, had a double mastectomy in June, and will…